Psychology is NOT Y2K compliant

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Word is Steve Pinker has come up with a a new version,
Psychology 1.1, that fixes the problem.


Blue-Ribbon Commission Warning: Psychology Not Y2K Compliant

Washington (AP)--Thursday

A congressionally-appointed council of top scientists and policy-makers
concluded today that psychology will be in tough shape when the new year
rolls around next January 1st.  It was concluded that not only are many of
its theories firmly rooted in the 20th century, but psychology as we know
it may come to an end at the beginning of the new millenium.  Psychology
may even be forced to revert to the theories and methodology of the early
20th century.

"On a Likert-type scale from 1 to 7, Y2K-readiness-wise, I give psychology
a negative 2."  Those were the words of Sara Purcell, the committee's
chairperson. "When the rollover happens, we suspect that psychology will
revert to the nascent state it was in at the last turn of the century."

"This threatens to set psychology back 100 years, and I don't like it."
stated veteran educational psychologist Bill McKeachie.  "I'm going to
have to dig out my memory drum and my introspection manual."

Noam Chomsky, activist and founder of modern psycholinguistics, commented,
"I killed behaviorism once, and now they tell me it'll be back in another
20 years.  What's next--is associationism back too?"

Many cognitive scientists were actually enthusiastic about repeating the
20th century, this time with 21st century technology.  Sources tell us
that the NSF has started receiving grant applications with titles
like, "Localizing the IT in left parietal cortex" and "The role of the
superego in limbic system functioning".  The superego and the it were
constructs of Sigmund Freud's turn-of-the-century psychodynamic theory.

Budding psychologist Shana Pallotta is also excited.  She stated, "The
20th century of psychology needs a little cleaning up, and in a very
Wundtian manner.  In fact, I plan on introducing a concept called 'Factor
X' which will really set the world of memory on its ear.  Some think this
is a sign of the end.  I think it is a great opportunity for science."

Whether it should be considered a rebirth or a post-modern apocalypse, the
events are ominous.  Already, signs of early 20th century psychology are
starting to show up across America.  For instance, horse enthusiast and
alcohol researcher Jennifer Glass is training a horse named 'Clever Hans'
to understand english.  Neuroimaging studies have started to apply a 19th
century technique known as "The Subtractive Method" to analyze their data.  
A young graduate student named Dan Horn has decided to change his name to
Titchener.  University of Pennsylvania neuroscientist Martha Farah is
reportedly offering a graduate seminar on phrenology.  Are these signs of
the end of modern psychology?  Only time will tell.

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