Long Awaited Release of Psychology 2000 Announced

[ The Happy Hour Archive | obereed.net ]

January 14, 2000 (HappyHourNewsWire) - Psychology industries
announced the release of Psychology 2000, the latest version of the
popular academic discipline.  "The field has undergone a complete
rewrite, it has an advanced feature set, an improved interface,  and
full support for the PsyD option" said Psychology spokesman and media
darling Steve Pinker, "we're very proud of this product."

Psychology, which had it's last major update in the mid fifties with
the addition of both Cognition and Perception, has been losing market
share to Philosophy, Political Science and Social Work, each produced
and distributed freely by Microsoft Corporation.  However, Psychology
is hoping to turn it's fortunes around with this new release.  This
marks the end of an extended delay, dating back to the aborted
Artificial Intelligence Module that was abandoned due to corporate
infighting, resulting in the resignation of dozens of modelers and
vision researchers, many of whom were eventually rehired in the big
Cognitive Science buyout of the late eighties.

In response to user requests, the new Psychology comes with "Dewey,"
an animated brain that has been designed to make helpful suggestions
if users appear confused.  "Let's say you've been trying to
understand verbal working memory, and you want to introduce
phonological suppression, well cute little Dewey may pop up and start
saying "the the the" while doing a little jig.  It's a big plus"
stated Cliff Nass, head of interface interference.

This version of psychology includes Neuroscience, or "Cognitive
Photography" as Dewey refers to the topic.  Users have access to a
palate of more than seven million colors for drawing brain
activation.  In addition there are numerous minor improvements,
including a change from a subject-based metaphor to a more
user-friendly participant-oriented environment.

Additional features include:

* Full IQ 175 compatibility
* "Neurally Inspired" models
* Support for evolutionary explanations of gender differences
* On-line auctions
* Organizational memory
* Specific and General phobias
* Stereotyping
* No longer requires an immutable structural bottleneck to run

Despite all the substantive improvements, the real buzz seems to
surround the availability of psychology in translucent blue, green or
orange colors.  "We're really trying to shake up the market with the
color options," stated Vice President for visual features, Anne
Treisman, "these new colors just pop-out!"

Some question the timing of the update, pointing out that it comes
suspiciously on the heels of the announcement of the failed attempted
hostile takeover of Physics.  For a limited time, Psychology 2000 is
being distributed with the Sociology add-on, a move that company
officials believe will bolster initial sales.

The release is being accompanied by an all out media blitz.
Psychology has purchased nearly 4 minutes of commercial time during
the upcoming Super Bowl.  Although they aren't releasing specifics,
sources say the ad campaign will center around the tag line "Got

Whether this new release will be as eagerly accepted as company
officials hope, is a question only time will answer.  However, one
thing is certain, this will pique the interest of an already
concerned justice department.

Despite any concerns, the company plans to go forward with the big
roll out.  Demonstrating the new, improved field at 5pm in Good Time
Charley's.  Admission is free, a cash bar will be available.

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