One-Year Prospectus

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In an effort to improve the student review process, students are now asked
to submit a prospectus indicating their goals for the upcoming year.  Since
this is a relatively new process, I thought I'd help out by providing a
copy of my own proposal.  Students and faculty are invited to Good Time
Charley's at 5pm on Friday to discuss the process.  

One Year Prospectus June 30, 1999-June 30, 2000
Dan Horn

6/30/99 - Hand in one year prospectus

8/1/99 - Realize that I left July out of one year prospectus

8/2/99 - Sleep late; take a shower; eat breakfast; go into school; log in;
check e-mail; forward bogus Good Times Virus warning to friends and
coworkers; read an article; have lunch at Roly Poly (#38 and a V8 Splash
Berry Blast juice); back to school; check e-mail; send apology for Good
Times Virus warning to friends and coworkers; type "Daniel B. Horn, Ph.D."
50 times, just to see how it looks; write title page of dissertation; snack
break; type "Mrs. Catherine Zeta Jones-Horn" 100 times, just to see how it
looks; quick game of NHL 99; consider breast implants; revise title page of
dissertation; go home; dinner; sleep

8/3/99-8/15/99 - Bring Peace to the Balkans

8/16/99 - Declare year 2000 to be 1900, Solve Y2K problem

8/17/99-9/7/99 - Read or something

9/8/99 - Use influence to mold fresh young minds into willful minions

9/9/99-9/17/99 - Continue teaching 

9/18/99 - No Work:  Miss America Pageant

9/19/99 - Type Mrs. Miss America-Horn 150 times, just to see how it looks

9/20/99-12/21/99 - Teach, rewrite title page of dissertation

12/22/99 - Launch drive to have next decade referred to as "the naughty

12/23/99-12/31/99 - Rest, prepare for "New Year's Rockin' Millennium with
Dick Clark"

1/1/1900 - Send letter to Archduke Ferdinand about potential assassins

1/2/00-1/14/00 Write acknowledgments page of dissertation

1/15/00 - Receive letter from Archduke Ferdinand thanking me for bringing
peace to the Balkans twice in six months

1/16/00 - Make a few phone calls to see if I can get Ed Smith a lifetime
Emmy award

1/17/00-1/29/00 - Teach

1/30/00-2/1/00 - Corner market on video of Bill Murray classic "Groundhogs Day"

2/2/00 - Write dissertation

2/3/00-2/5/00 - submit, revise, resubmit, defend dissertation

2/6/00-2/28/00 - Accept congratulations and take well-deserved vacation.

2/29/00 - Use the fact that there is no leap day in the year 1900 to hatch
an international scheme to transfer the accrued interest on all American
bank accounts for this day-that-never-was to offshore accounts in order to
finance plot to rule the world and afford services of henchmen to thwart
the meddling efforts of a bunch of do-good kids and celebrate birthday

3/1/00-3/15/00 - Create "Dan-Bo": Not just a set of work-out tapes, but a
whole new way of living (tm).  

3/16/00 - Interviews with Today Show and 20/20 about dissertation

3/17/00 - Type "Mrs. Barbara Walters-Horn" 200 times, just to see how it looks

3/18/00 - Help junior faculty get tenure by revising dissertation to
acknowledge them

3/19/00 - Acknowledge Nobel Peace Prize committee telegram

3/20/00-4/20/00 - Teach, turn down job offers and marriage proposals

4/21/00 - Hire assistant to turn down job offers and marriage proposals

4/22/00-6/29/00 - Repeatedly turn down offer from UN to be named "President
and Head Honcho for Life of the Whole Wide World"

6/30/00 - Hand in more realistic one-year prospectus

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