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Dealing with Overpopulation [ The Happy Hour Archive | obereed.net ] [Happy Hour: 4pm, Charley's ] The environmentalists have been saying it for years, yet the problem seems unimportant until it hits home. I am, of course, referring to overpopulation. We've got a huge new class coming in next semester, we're going to need some clever planning to solver our own overpopulation problems. Therefore, I humbly submit my suggestions for dealing with overpopulation. * Bunk-desks: Stack 'em up - we currently waste tons of cubic yards of space above the 4 foot mark * Introduce new students to the "screaming math tutor" - that should get rid of a few * Early graduation: In the world of big business they call it attrition. A degree and a few recommendations, and we've got plenty of free offices * New prelim section: The physical challenge. Tennis vs. Frank, Basketball vs. Dave, Giant Slalom vs. John, etc... * Hostile takeover of biopsych * Introduce the "Big Buddy" program: Untenured faculty get matched up with faculty emeriti. To cement the bond, they share an office. * Dedicate window space to advertising to fund students * Trailer in Atrium + Card Tables + Milk Crates = Cognition Office Annex * Shane's idea: Get a shrinking machine, then we can fit in a shoebox. * Make "publish or perish" really mean something * Enact a "swing shift" - allows for office sharing * Institute a "semester abroad" program at EMU * Make money selling fMRI images at Art Fair * Don't come to happy hour? Don't come to work! Save your job. Come to happy hour. 4pm at Charley's. It's fun, all the kids love it! Dan |