The Neuroscience Conference
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[Happy Hour - 4pm Friday at Charley's ]
FYI - Late breaking news about the Neuroscience conference...
Wish I could join you, but I've got to be in New York to deal with some
legal issues stemming from a Key Jingling incident.
Date: October 22, 1997 18:23:12 EST -0600
From: Neuroscience Conference
To: Neuroscience Members
Re: Neuroscience: Pre-Conference Overview
The members of the conference committee wanted to give you a general
overview of this year's conference. You may notice some changes from what
we'd been planning. Many of these changes were necessitated by budget
considerations (I guess you could call it a result of the "cognitive
economy", ha ha). Seriously though, we were not planning on having to pay
such inordinate kickbacks to the New Orleans Police Department to assure
However, we hope that these difficulties don't mar (or Marr, get it?) the
conference. The most apparent change will be the replacement of the
opening plenary presentation. Although we had originally scheduled
"Dilbert" cartoonist Scott Adams giving a presentation called "Nerds in
Neuroscience: Toward the Year 2000," we can no longer afford Mr. Adams'
$20,000 speaking fee. Instead, we will be sponsoring a number of
mini-talks by prominent members of the neuroscience community. Listed
below, you will find these last-minute additions as well as a number of
late-breaking talks that will be presented later in the conference.
The DLPFC: Nature's Sternberg Module
Jonides, Smith, Marsheutz, Geva, Gmiendl, Schumacher, & Koeppe
We review imaging data that indicate that the only purpose the Dorsalateral
Prefrontal Cortex has is to mediate performance in a Sternberg-like task.
These findings support a radical view of the modularity assumption, and
force us to rethink what it means to be human.
The DLPFC: Nature's Central Executive
Meyer, Seymour, Schumacher, Glass, & Gmiendl
We review imaging data that indicate that the primary purpose of the
Dorsalateral Prefrontal Cortex has is to mediate central executive
functioning. These findings support a radical view of the modularity
assumption, and force us to rethink what it means to be human.
What Kind of Name is Zenon Anyway?
A well deserved attack on the nameless jerk who keeps trying to undermine
my work. I provide evidence that clearly indicates that this person is not
only wrong, but that he relies almost entirely on visual imagery to
function. These findings force us to rethink what it means to be human.
Geva & Horn
We present data indicating the existence of a relatively new identification
deficit. Springer's Aphasia appears to only affect viewers of daytime talk
shows. Symptoms include an inability to recognize quality programming
despite the ability to sense it. These findings force us to rethink what
it means to be human.
Integral Transposition Matrix Decompositional Analysis by Fourier
Transformed Logarithmic Bayesian Distortion Filtering
Zhang, Hedden, Mueller, & Stevens
New, complex mathematical techniques have enabled us to analyze raw imaging
data and determine exactly what people are thinking about. Through a
number of steps, too difficult for you to understand, we can isolate and
filter such data in a relatively short amount of time. This talk will
contain a number of really complicated equations that will probably give
most people headaches, and force them to rethink what it means to be human.
Applications of Neuroimaging Technology
Seymour, Mueller, Veinott, Pond, Hamilton & Pallotta
A review of a number of alternative uses for neuroimaging technologies.
Discussion will include: Cooking with Gamma Rays, Cognitive Photography
and Cool Tricks with Magnets and Paperclips. Audience participation will
be encouraged. We find that this will force us to rethink what it means to
The Effects of Sleep Deprivation on E-mail and Management
An exploration of the effects of lack of sleep on one's ability to generate
humorous e-mails, while managing a busy workload. This talk will include a
profuse apology for not being nearly as funny as previous posts, and a
pledge to redouble my efforts at performing this valuable service.
Suggestions for future work by others will be discussed, including:
attending happy hour, sending Dan encouraging e-mails, offers to perform
some of Dan's more menial tasks (teaching, grading, research, etc...), and
cash incentives. These findings force us to rethink what it means to be
In an effort to educate the Neuroscience community, we will be holding an
open meeting on Friday at 4pm at Goodtime Charley's. You are all
encouraged to attend. We will of course be playing all the classic
cognitive party games, including such favorites as:
Pin the analyses on the RA
Broadmann's Area BINGO
Spin the atoms
ERPing for dollars
Jello regressioning (I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean either)
So stop by and enjoy the pre-Neuroscience festivities.
Neuroscience Program Committee
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