Mug Mugging

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We will convene at 5:00 at Charley's to investigate this matter.
Character witnesses and anyone with evidence should plan on attending


EAST HALL, Ann Arbor (AP)

Everybody knew that crime on the fourth floor of East Hall was bad,
but nobody expected it to come to this. All expectations were
shattered this Friday morning, when Daniel Horn found his cherished
coffee mug lying in pieces on his desk.  This is the latest and most
serious in a string of crimes that have plagued the 4th floor, and it
has left residents calling on legislators to do something--and fast.

The inconsolable Mr. Horn spoke at a press conference held late
Friday Morning.  He stated, "I should have seen it coming.  First,
those Mexican dragons started falling off the walls.  Then, letters
started getting rearranged on the announcement board.  I even thought
it was funny--you should see what can be spelled with 'substantia
nigra'. Now this...It's terrible...."  Mr. Horn was so shaken by the
tragedy that he could not continue.

The only witness of the crime was Mr. Horn's office-mate, Shane
Mueller.  Mr. Mueller stated that he was in the office early Friday
morning, and the mug was in fine condition.  "I was making coffee at
Dan's desk, when I felt someone or something brush up against me.  I
heard a crash, turned around, and saw the mug lying in pieces, right
beside me.  The criminal must have sneaked up behind me, attacked the
cup, and run out of the office before I could see who he was."  Mr.
Mueller denied that he was a suspect, but authorities have told him
that he should notify them if he attempts to flee the country.

Mr. Horn and the cup have been together since mid-September.  They
met on the romantic boardwalk of New Jersey's Atlantic City, where
Mr. Horn was attending the Miss America Pageant.  The cup was white,
with a blue star and red lettering that read, "Miss America."  Mr.
Horn said that the tragedy "...takes me back to that weekend in
September, where I had a brush with Miss Texas Yanci Yarborough.  She
smelled like flowers.  Those were good times." Miss Yarbourough, this
year's Third runner up in the pageant, could not be reached for

In the face of this tragedy, the residents of the fourth floor remain
united.  Dr. William Gehring, who lost a picture frame and a
paperweight earlier this year, spoke for the group:  "In the face of
this adversity, we have grown closer.  We want to let the criminal
element know--you can destroy our desktop knick-knacks and office
paraphernalia, but you can not destroy us.  Unless you get our data."
We can only hope that science is not the next victim.


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