Ending Evolution in Kansas
No More Evolution in Kansas - Other Theories To Get Same Treatment? (Reuters) AUGUST 11 - The Kansas Board of Education voted today on a new science curriculum that eliminates the study of evolution as an underlying principle of biology and other sciences. The vote was hailed by most enemies of rational thought as a step toward removing unnecessary scientifically derived and tested theories. "It's only a theory," Scott Hill, a farmer and board member pointed out, "it's not like there's any evidence that's been thoughtfully debated and subjected to scientific scrutiny" he added, before rubbing his magic rabbit foot and laughing maniacally. While scientists and educators have been shocked, others see this as the opportunity to rid public schools of other "theories" that have been pushed on unwilling students. "This is a great day not only for creation scientists, but for members of the anti-gravity community as well," proclaimed one noted pseudomoralist. "We've been held prisoner to the whims of the liberal scientific establishment too long." In addition to evolution and gravity, movements are afoot to restrict the teaching of mathematics, upon which such controversial techniques as radiocarbon dating and multiplication are based, and astronomy, which has been used to develop theories that contradict the geocentric model of the universe presented in biblical accounts. It is believed that astronomy can easily be replaced by the more well established field of astrology. Less mature, but equally bolstered are movements to ban the teaching of civil war and civil rights movements which detractors claim are part of a far-reaching leftist conspiracy. The goal of these educational revisionists is to prevent children's young, malleable minds from being exposed to "book learnin' " according to Mr. Hill, a Scorpio. "Why should these so-called educators have the ability to teach such drivel to our kids? This could lead to dancing" added Hill as he left for a taping of Jerry Springer's "Book Burners Who Think They're All That" episode.