Conference Romance

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Happy Hour, Friday 4pm, Charley's

Top Ten + N Pick-up Lines to be used at a Scientific meeting (especially
psychonomics or cognitive science)

	An article ran in the friday, Jan 16, 1998 edition of the Michigan
Daily summarizing the results of a sex survey.  Turns out that people with
college educations and graduate degrees have less sex than anyone else.
At happy hour, the graduate students agreed with the article, and stated
that the only people they could date were other geeky grad students, and
that meant they were fishing in a pretty small pond.  So I said, what
about flirting at scientific meetings?  This was met with gales of
laughter.  Thad Polk guffawed the loudest, "what, flirting at
psychonomics?  With scientists?  You must be mad."  So, I've decided to
help everyone out by making a top ten + N list of pick-up lines especially
designed to be used at Psychonomics or Cognitive Science (but they would
work, assuming they work at all, at just about any scientific conference).

We'll be holding an impromptu "conference" of our own, Friday at 4pm at

Your laptop or mine?

You have some of the nicest looking curves I've ever seen.

We're conducting a job search right now--come to my room tonight around 11
if you'd like to apply....

I'm looking for volunteers for my latest study on human sexuality.  You
look like you have all the qualifications to participate.

After looking carefully at a single-authored poster (wide-eyed and
breathlessly) say: "So are you really as good as those numbers suggest?"

After quickly skimming a co-authored poster (dismissively), say:  "Well,
those effects are well and fine, but if you were with me, baby, we'd make
some 2-way interactions you never dreamed of.....

I'm mesmerized by your methods
***possible retort:  Baby, you ain't got the equipment to handle MY

I've never had a triple interaction like that before!

Hey, I just got the new e-prime software--Wanna go back to my lab and try
out a few illicit, oops, I mean implicit memory tasks?

What's a nice-looking person like you doing with data like this? (Oh,
Pardon me, date like these)

I'm looking for a significant relationship (nudge nudge, wink wink)
***possible retort:  "yeah, well I've seen your data.....there ain't no
way you'll be able to turn them into a significant relationship...."

Just think up any question that you might reasonably ask a poster
presenter, and append "in bed" to your question.  e.g. how do you
counterbalance all of those conditions in bed? or Have you thought of
using degraded stimuli in bed?

Wow!  That's the smallest p-value I've ever seen.
***possible retort:  (with a surreptitious glance down)--Yeah, well I
prefer mine large....

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